Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
