nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
is it fun? or sober?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
