i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
