I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
