i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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