i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize