Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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