I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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