"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
