You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
did you just send me my own nude
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
