I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
