I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
