the condom got lost in my hair
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
