in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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