Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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