Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
