3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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