I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
