It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm at about main and main street
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
