and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
