HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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