Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
