Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
