also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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