i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
