that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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