well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
