You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
