New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
