you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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