Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
