he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
