Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
