I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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