A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
