i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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