somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
