I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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