People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
