Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
