Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
