Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize