This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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