I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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