All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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