My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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