If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
