Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
