You smell like stripper and shame
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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