I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
