Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
