I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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