I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
