He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
