I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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