Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
