I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
