the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
