the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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