Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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