Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
