i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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