imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
