Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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