i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
