I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
