A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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