I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
