hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
