we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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