Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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