There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
