walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
